And he said: “Son, this world is rough
And if a man’s gonna make it, he’s gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn’t be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you’d have to get tough or die
And it’s the name that helped to make you strong.”He said: “Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn’t blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I’m the son-of-a-bitch that named you “Sue.’”— “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash
As the song goes, life isn’t easy for a boy named “Sue,” but it’s probably not going to be a bed of roses for “Pilot Inspektor,” “Moxie CrimeFighter,” or “Fifi Trixibell,” either. Celebrities do some weird things, and one of the weirdest is the names some of them give their children. For example:
Weird Celebrity Baby Names
- Aanisah – Macy Gray (also mother to Tahmel)
- Apple – Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
- Astrella Celeste – Donoyvan and Linda Lawrence (also parents to Oriole Nebula)
- Atherton Grace – Don Johnson and Kelley Phleger
- Audio Science – Shannyn Sossamon
- Aurelius Cy – Elle Macpherson and Arpad Busson
- Blue Angel – U2′s The Edge and Aislinn O’Sullivan
- Bluebell Madonna – Geri Halliwell
- Calico – Alice and Sheryl Cooper (also parents to Sonora Rose)
- Camera – Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy
- Destry – Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw
- Diezel Ky – Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole)
- Fifi Trixibell – Bob Geldof and Paula Yates (also parents to Peaches and Pixie)
- Fuchsia – Sting and Frances Tomelty
- Gaia – Emma Thompson and Greg Wise
- Gulliver – Gary Oldman and Donya Fiorentino
- Heaven – Lil’ Mo (also mother to God’Iss Love Stone)
- Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence
- Hopper – Sean Penn and Robin Wright
- Ireland – Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger
- Jaz – Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi
- Jazz Domino – Joe Strummer
- Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza (previously married to Jermaine’s brother Randy)
- Kal-El Coppola – Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name)
- Kyd – David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
- Lark Song – Mia Farrow and André Previn
- Lennon – Liam Gallagher and Patsy Kensit
- Liberty – Ryan Giggs
- London Emilio – Slash
- Luna Coco Patricia – Frank Lampard and Elen Rive
- Marquise – 50 Cent
- Memphis Eve – Bono
- Moon Unit – Frank Zappa (also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin)
- Moxie CrimeFighter – Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten)
- Ocean –Forest Whitaker (also father to Sonnet and True)
- Pilot Inspektor – Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf
- Poppy Honey – Jamie and Jules Oliver (also parents to Daisy Boo)
- Prince Michael II, aka “Blanket” – Michael Jackson (referred to as “Blanket” to avoid confusion with his older brother, Prince Michael I)
- Rocket – Robert Rodriguez (also father to Racer, Rebel, and Rogue)
- Rufus Tiger – Roger Taylor (also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy)
- Saffron Sahara – Simon and Yasmin Le Bon (also parents to Amber Rose and Tallulah Pine)
- Sage Moonblood – Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh)
- Satchel – Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee
- Seven Sirius – Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu
- Shiloh Nouvel – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
- Sosie – Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick
- Sunday Rose – Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman
- Suri – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
- Tallulah – Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (also parents to Scout and Rumer)
- Tu Morrow – Rob Morrow
- Willow Camille Reign – Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith
- Zola Ivy – Eddie Murphy and Nicole Mitchell
All of which leads to the question: WHY? You don’t get enough attention already? You’re an important “artist,” and you’re uber-creative every day in every way, so your kid can’t have a remotely normal name, like the rest of us unenlightened peasants? Apparently fame can really mess up your head.
Unfortunately, now that these celebrity trend-setters have modeled this new form of weird behavior, a certain segment of the population will undoubtedly feel compelled to come up with their own questionable baby names…so they, too can be cool.
But if you’re determined to burden your offspring with a “creative” moniker that they’ll have to deal with the rest of their lives, you might as well go all out. If celebrities can give their kids weird names, why not give your kid a really weird name? Here are a few suggestions, each based on a common theme:
Animals
- Annaconda
- Jorilla
- Bobster
- Mattypus
- Jimpanzee
- Katiepillar
- Leemur
- Billdebeest
- Tombat
Medications
- Annbien
- Besstrogen
- Jennadryl
- Jackitracin
- Jethromax
- Jimitrex
- Kirkocet
- Leopectate
- Rexcedrin
- Rexlax
- Roxycontin
- Tammyflu
- Timoxidil
- Zolaf
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
- Pamydia
- Johnorrhea
- Herbes
- Jeffatitis
- SyPhyllis
If you’re determined to give your child a weird name, that should get you started. Feel free to use any of these names for your baby, but please don’t tell little Jimpanzee or Jennadryl where you got the idea. I don’t need someone looking for me in a bar in Gatlinburg twenty years from now.
